Lies, Damn Lies, and History
by Haitorei
Summary: Dragons have been dead for 100 years. When eight year-old Zuko stumbles onto Avatar Roku's personal library, can the secrets it holds revive a lost tradition while leading him to a better path?
1. Chapter 1

It became apparent to Zuko from a very early age that there were many things that he, prince of the Fire Nation and eldest heir to the throne, was forbidden from doing. Like wandering outside the palace, going to the library without an escort, or even eating things he wanted when he wanted.

But this was the environment in which he grew up and the only one he knew. Thus, he resigned to believe this was the way the world simply worked. And for a while, he seemed quite content with the way things were going. Walks in the park with his mother, practicing his fire-bending form, and being pampered by the maids in his free time. Under the love and care of his mother, Zuko was growing to be a fine man, despite the constant nagging of his sister.

One day, he got a visit from his Uncle and his oldest son Lu Ten.

" 'Sup, cuz?"

"Lu Ten!" Zuko wiped away the tears and ran toward his cousin to be enveloped in a deep embrace. "How was Ba Sing Se? I missed you!"

"I missed my favorite cuz – " upon seeing Azula, he hastily added "cousins, too! Oh, check this out. I got you guys some nice presents!"

Both their eyes went wide. "Aunt Ursa," he called in a sing song voice. "This includes you too!"

Gathering around the table, Lu Ten placed his heavy bag in the center. "One of the many unique facets of the Earth Kingdom, is that they recognize the strength of their women." Lu Ten began all his stories like this, with a slow introduction to set the mood and carefully drawing everyone in with his calm and melodious voice. "Unlike many cultures where we draw soldiers from a single gender, the Earth Kingdom has a wider pool and recognizes all sorts of talents. There, I stumbled across a library where I found an ancient fire bending style – suited for women. You see, back in the day, we were great allies, and so there was much trade going on. One of the practices the border countries picked up on was this idea of letting women fight." Straightening up, he pulled out a single, old scroll. "A fire-bending style crafted specifically for women. From what I've read, it was very effective. And because of its heritage and age, there are few who know how to counter it properly. May it be of use for you, little Azula." He nobly presented the scroll to her.

Azula jumped with joy and immediately began perusing the scroll.

"Just be careful," the elder cousin warned, "it's very old." He then turned to face Zuko. "Four generations before our great grandfather Sozin's time, a new movement began here in the Fire Nation. One called the pure bending movement. Weapons, it was thought, were a corruption of the art of bending. If bending was to be a test of strength, then why have anything else at all? This is the dawn of the Agni Kai, the fire duel. Duels where one on one fights took place with pure bending – the ultimate test of honor, courage, and strength. Unfortunately, not all of our sister nations had this philosophy. In fact, the air nomads specifically had styles that incorporated tools into their bending."

Then, he pulled out two large, sharp matching broadswords. "An old legend says that those who have seen the true flames of a dragon have the truest understanding of what constitutes fire-bending. The Sun Warriors believed that while fire-bending was a form of self-defense, it was also much more than that. A form of spiritual peace and sustenance. It is rumored that the last Sun Warrior Chief had these swords crafted from true dragon flames and blessed with a calming energy. For my favorite cuz, Zuko!" He finished dramatically, giving the boy a wink.

"And for my favorite Aunt," he began with a drumroll when Ursa kissed the elder boy on the cheek.

"You bring me the gift of your company," she said smiling.

"Phew! Thank Agni, because really. I didn't have a gift." He rubbed his head goofily as they all laughed.

Lu Ten was always a source of laughter and good mood.

…

"Lu, where's Uncle Iroh?"

"Oh, he's still back at the base station in Ba Sing Se. Enough about my side though. What's up with you crying little bud?" He ruffled Zuko's hair.

Zuko stopped walking and mumbled a little bit.

"What's that?"

"I can't fire-bend... No matter what I do, I can't fire-bend." Zuko expected many reactions. Laughter, pointing, shock, disbelief, or even ridicule. But Lu Ten did something entirely out of the ordinary.

"Oh, well it's about time you noticed."

Zuko stopped dead, giving his older cousin a look of genuine fear.

But Iroh's son had a twinkle in his eyes. "Let me guess, Azula can already fire-bend, right?"

Zuko mutely nodded.

Lu Ten chuckled. "Come on, cuz," he said turning around waving for Zuko to follow. "Let's go focus on important stuff, like how to help you use those swords!" He said a little loudly, and paradoxically began walking toward the library.

As social as ever, Lu Ten respectfully greeted all the elders, and flirtatiously greeted all the women. Using his ID card and privileges as the crowned prince, he led Zuko into corridors the boy didn't even know existed. Further and further back, they approached an old bookshelf that seemed to be the end of it. Then, pushing a brick back, a slight 'POP' was heard.

Three paces to the right, and Lu Ten pushed the book case back, revealing a secret door. Behind them the door closed, and Lu Ten quietly whispered to Zuko.

"I'm sure you've noticed, but as a member of the Royal Family you're _always_ watched. You can't always trust what people say. This library contains ancient documents and stories that have been forbidden for generations. I'd advise you to start looking around. It may illuminate some aspects of your problems." He winked, and with a twirl of the bricks, was gone once more.

Zuko was left alone to his own thoughts – thoughts curiosity about this mysterious library, shame for not being able to fire-bend, and jealousy that his younger sister was already producing large blasts of fire.

…

Time flew by over the course of two weeks. Lu Ten trained Zuko in the basic forms of broadswords, and with all the comedy and action packed dinners, Zuko didn't even bother worrying about the bending (or lack thereof). That was the beauty of his elder cousin. He made you focus on the positive, even when you didn't know there were any.

The night before Lu Ten's departure to Ba Sing Se, they met in the library once more, in the dark.

"Zuko, if I don't make it," he began hurriedly and in a hushed tone, despite being alone in the most secret parts of the library, which worried Zuko.

"Don't say that! You're an amazing warrior – I've _seen_ you fight – "

"_If_ I don't make it, whatever you do, don't lose sight of who you are. Not what people say you are, but who you _really_ are." And with that, he handed Zuko a very old parchment. "I saw you didn't quite make it around to this old scroll yet, so I thought I'd help you out."

"Lu Ten, why are you scared? You sound like someone's after you."

He shook his head and ruffled Zuko's hair, a smile once more returning to his face. "Just promise me that you'll work on the things I've taught you."

The younger boy nodded. "I promise."

"Good. Remember, calm and serene. Fire-bending is _not_ just a tool of destruction. If you handle your emotions, you'll be amazed at what you can do."

"Lu Ten, what if I'm not a bender?" Zuko asked with concerned eyes. He tried to be brave, to trust that his cousin had a logical explanation, but his cousin to date had still not answered it. "I'm turning _eight_ this year, and they say if you can't make fire by then, it's almost _certain_ you're not a bender! And if I'm not a bender, then – "

Lu Ten calmly placed a hand on his shoulder. "So you can't bend? So what? What's the worst that'll happen? There have been princes before who couldn't bend. You're not the first, Zu."

"But... but..." He stared at the floor, not wanting to resign himself to the fate of a peasant.

Lu Ten observed the despondence that suddenly overtook his cousin and decided to change strategy slightly. "Wanna hear a little secret?"

Zuko's ears perked up.

"I didn't make my first fire until I was ten."

Zuko's eyes went wide.

The elder cousin smiled. "They were basically certain there was no shot, but, one day it just happened. And you can't control it, Zuko. And the worst thing you can do is worry about it. The purest forms of fire-bending require the calmness and peace of mind."

Zuko nodded, hope returning to his young face once more.

"Alright, I gotta get going. Catch ya later, cuz!" He finished with his old informal vigor and left for the warfront leaving behind a very puzzled and intrigued Zuko.

Under the faint lantern light, Zuko carefully read what appeared to be a detailed history of Avatar Roku's life...

…

As it turned out, the library contained _many_ ancient secrets. Secrets about the origins of the war, about the Air Nomads. Secrets that were far more interesting than what he was learning in school. So, every night, Zuko would dress in all black, take his swords and tuck them in the back (for safety, he reasoned,) and snuck into the library. He poured himself into the legends of the past, of every culture.

Over time, he discovered a pattern to the books. The library was divided into five large sections – one for each nation. Each section then further divided into subsections of interests: styles of fighting, cuisine, culture, ancestries, music, arts, etc. Another entire section was devoted entirely to the avatar, and all the past lives dating back as far as records existed. It seemed odd, frankly, that many of these things would be hidden off in a section somewhere such that no one would see them. They weren't, well, that important. Why did it matter that the air nomads were vegetarians? Why was _that_ in this secret library...

Zuko frowned. There had to be a reason why this library was sectioned off. It made sense why it existed – after all, knowing about one's enemy is important. But as to why it was sectioned off... He filed this information in the section of things he'd have to investigate later. In the mean time, he focused on learning as much as he could.

School rapidly became boring. Even as a young child, he could see facts weren't beginning to line up.

"And that was when the Fire Lord Sozin defeated the Air Nomads."

Zuko frowned, raising his hand. "But the Air Nomads didn't have a standing military. Fire Lord Sozin ambushed them."

The teacher, flabbergast at the boy's statement, wasn't sure of what to say. "No, no that's not true."

"Yes it is."

The class was dead quiet. If the Air Nomads didn't have an army, then Sozin's attack was... well, _less_ than honorable. And everyone knew the Fire Lord was never anything but honorable.

"We lost hundreds of soldiers in the attack on the Eastern Air Temple. There are corpses all around. Are all of these lies?" The teacher looked smug.

Zuko had to think for a minute. That was pretty hard proof that there was a battle. Undeniable that fire nation soldiers were killed. But that wasn't enough. "Then name an Air General. We have names of the opposition for the Earth King and even the Water Nation. Who was the leader of the Air resistance?"

Now the teacher was absolutely shocked. "Ah, well..." he faltered before settling on a name. "Monk Gyatso. He was the leader."

"Which temple did he live in?"

"Ah, well... the Eastern one."

"So he died after the first attack? Then who led?"

"Well... I will not tolerate this sort of disorderly conduct. You will either sit and listen, or be punished."

And then, Zuko did something no one expected. He got up and walked out of class. The teacher wanted to lie? Fine. He'd learn on his own. At the library.

…

"Zuko, where are you running off to?" His mother calmly faced him at the door.

Zuko paled. It was late, _very_ late. Much passed his bed time. And he was off to the library once more.

"I couldn't sleep. I... I wanted to go on a walk."

His mother smiled. "With broadswords?"

"For protection," he weakly fibbed.

"Inside the palace?"

"I... I..."

"Sensei told me about the... _incident_ at school. I'd like to hear it from your side."

He gulped. He was in for it now. Taking a deep breath, he sat down on his mother's lap and explained everything. How he thought his sensei was lying about the Air Nomads, how he was teaching them wrong information.

His mother smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "You were always too smart for your own good, and too loud mouthed." Her voice turned more somber. "But, as a member of the Royal Family, there are somethings that are... dangerous for us to encourage. Until you are of age, please promise me you won't tell anyone about the things you read in Avatar Roku's library."

Zuko's eyes widened. This was _Roku_'s library? It took a while for him to digest everything his mother had just said. She knew where he was going, and most importantly, she wasn't forbidding him from going. "I promise!" He smiled at her and ran off on his nightly quest for knowledge.

His mind was racing as he approached the library. This new fact gave credibility to everything he had been reading for months. It _proved_ what he had been reading wasn't lies. And there was one particular scroll that he hadn't yet read...

Racing into the library, but carefully making sure he had closed all the doors, he went to the small desk in the corner where he had placed the scroll Lu Ten had given him.

_Sozin's... diary?_


	2. Chapter 2

Zuko stood, shocked at the revealing entries. Sozin betrayed Roku and started the war against the Avatar's wishes. Wiping out the Air Nomads to make sure no one ever stood in his way again.

It begged the question of what _else_ that he was learning was a lie. His mother knew about this library. So did Lu Ten. Who else did? Not the school teachers. Not his sister. Not her friends. Did Father? The Fire Lord? _This_ is why the library was kept secret. Because it hosted Roku's secrets... Treasonous secrets. No wonder his mother wanted him to keep quiet about this.

But how could they just sit there and say nothing about it! For years he'd been taught his great grandfather was a great man. That Fire Lords never made mistakes. They were closest to the spirit world, and they were perfection.

He tore his eyes away from the scroll and – wait... What? Ta Min... why did that name sound so familiar? He sat, for minutes, trying to remember who she was, or why he had heard that name before, but nothing came. Deciding it was nothing, he moved onto bending instead. Frankly, his head was feeling woozy, and he needed a bit for this information to sink in.

And he was _angry_. He had been lied to. And he hated this feeling.

He wasn't _special_. He had the legacy of an enormous sin on his back... Grabbing his broadswords, he decided to practice his forms before calling it a night.

…

The next day, he practically had to grind himself into silence so as to not upset the teacher, who had a damn smug look on his face throughout the day. Apparently, his mother had informed the man that Zuko had been strongly disciplined, and he'd have to do his best in making sure that story remained credible.

During the breaks, Zuko now found himself to be an increasingly polarized subject. Some students, equally rebellious, found themselves in awe that he would stand up to authority. But most wanted to avoid trouble and simply ignored him.

And, since he still couldn't bend, he was now attending the non-bender classes. If he couldn't produce fire within a year, it would become a permanent placement. He tried to ignore these things that were spiraling out of control around him. He didn't need friends, he told himself. He didn't need bending. He had the swords Lu Ten gave him.

Besides, plenty of other royal members couldn't fire-bend. After all, he could still train to be a Chi Blocker. _That_ would equalize the playing field. Maybe he should start already... After all, the odds of him learning to fire-bend were about the same as him becoming Fire Lord. Chuckling at his own joke, he resolved to no longer wallow in self-pity and move on.

Determined, he decided to skip the rest of school that day and focus on his own training.

It soon became a regular habit. School, Zuko decided, dulled the mind. He certainly wasn't missed – out of class, the boy didn't cause any trouble. He showed up for exams, failed, and left. His class ranking plummeted to the bottom ten percent of his class within a month, but it didn't bother the young boy. He had completely immersed himself in the library by this point.

Instead of randomly pursuing books that seemed to suit his interest, he developed a system for going through them. Every day, he'd read a book from each sub-category: law, music, fighting styles, art, cooking, etc. Each day would alternate between the nations. Additionally, he'd read an extra book on fire nation styles of fighting, from chi blocking to archery.

But it was not enough to simply _read_ about these techniques. He needed to implement and practice them. Thus, he developed a new hobby that turned around his schedule. During the day, he'd sleep for most of it, waking up in time for dusk to eat dinner and finish his readings. Then, when all was quiet, he'd sneak out of the palace and back to the academy where he could use the gym tools. Bows, arrows, targets, and dummies to practice chi blocking. Sneaking out of the palace soon became trivial with practice. He wore dark colors, carried his broadswords. They were basically a part of him now.

Once arriving into school, he carefully scaled a wall and plopped into the outdoor gymnasium. He practiced until about four in the morning, after which point he'd return all the equipment to its proper place, and come back home. Sleep for a couple hours until his mother awoke him for 'school', where he'd simply double back to the palace, go to the library and sleep.

Food wasn't an issue; he'd simply steal the meals from the kitchen, and usually the cooks were far too busy to notice.

That is, until one day, when one of them did notice.

"Zuko, right?"

He froze. Oh no. The gig was up.

The cook smiled. "My name's Masashi. Train hard, okay? A growing boy needs his vitamins!"

Smiling, he nodded and ran back after muttering a "Thank you!" Masashi and he grew close, and they'd soon discuss various subjects as he got meals. The man had two kids, one Zuko's age and one four years old, with the older being a boy. Masashi allowed Zuko to do as he pleased, and even better, he'd often pack some extra food for Zuko, some of his favorites.

He slowly began conferring in the man about what he was up to. That he hated the school, the instructors were mean, and instead, he trained by himself. Deciding to keep Roku's library a secret, he said he simply went to the Royal library and read from there, instead.

Masashi was very understanding about it all and didn't seem to ask for too many more explanations.

Zuko's ninth birthday was rapidly approaching, and with it, a sense of desperation. If he couldn't produce fire by then, then it was basically a sealed deal, as far as schools were concerned. Even if he could learn to bend later on, he'd be playing catch up for years. Teachers had little patience for failures. This was it. The track he'd pursue at the Royal Academy would be determined by his performance on a single exam.

A part of him wanted to resign and simply wallow in apathy. Perhaps deny the importance of bending. Who needed it? There were many – generals, even – who couldn't bend. But a part of his soul yearned for it. The amazing wonderment that would never be satisfied without it.

He didn't know why he asked, but it just came blurting out. "Are they benders?"

Masashi smiled. "Well, Lee isn't. But Min is, and it drives him crazy to see his little sister puffing smoke left and right." He chuckled. "But Lee's a good kid. Incredibly protective of his sister. He's going to make it on his own, that kid. And I'll be incredibly proud of him, bender or not."

Zuko turned away to hide his own facial expression.

"How's the bending going for you, son?"

He tried to talk over the lump in his throat. "Fine, thank you again."

…

A month had passed, and it was his birthday tomorrow. His progress in archery had been substantial. He could hit most stationary targets. Chi blocking basics were mastered. He'd read nearly one fourth of Roku's library and learned enough national secrets to get him exiled permanently. He'd completed Sozin's diary, and his views were constantly evolving on the Fire Nation as a whole. But the most important aspect was still missing.

He went to bed early that night, deciding to take a break. He'd need to go to school tomorrow, and it was better to be in shape, hoping for a miracle, than sleepily mess up his last opportunity.

Waking up to his mother's familiar kiss, she greeted him ecstatically. "Happy birthday my boy!" She embraced him tightly, and for a minute, he forgot about the world. He melted into his mother's safe embrace and smiled into her familiar scent. He missed her.

"I love you." He said to her sincerely.

Ursa smiled and told him she loved him, too. "Come back from school, and I'll show you my surprise, okay?"

And now he was back. School. Bending. Test... Right...

Perhaps it was too much to ask to skip this one, too?

The entire commute to the academy was a blur. He didn't remember a thing. He kept wondering what the test was. What it could possibly be. Who knew. All of a sudden, he was entering a room where a single instructor turned to face him. Zuko paled. It was the history instructor whom he had openly argued with. The one whose classroom out of which he stormed.

"Light the candle." The man calmly said, clearly enjoying every minute.

Zuko approached the candle, unsure of what to do. Then, with a single finger, he made contact, hoping that something, _anything_ would happen.

He opened a single eye. Nothing had changed.

"Very well. NEXT."

He wobbled out of the classroom with his heart near his ankles.

…

Walking out into the courtyard, he found a group of taller boys smirking at him.

"What's wrong? Can't bend?" The middle one began.

"All these days you've been thinking you were too good for us," another one began chuckling. "Agni is sweet, isn't she."

_Ignore them_, Zuko told himself. But as he tried to go around them, one of the larger kids pushed him back.

"What's wrong your Royalness?" He smirked. "Not so tough now, are we."

Of all days to forget his broadswords... "Please move."

"Hey, you and this kid Lee can both be losers together!" A third suggested.

Zuko looked up at a quivering child, roughly his age. "Masashi's son?" he asked calmly.

The child nodded.

Zuko didn't know why, but he liked him. He had an aura of peace around him. And from what Masashi told him, he was just trying to make his way like the rest of them. And he had a sister to protect.

A larger boy came up and started twisting Lee's ear. "You've been avoiding me, haven't you Lee. Come one, where's that lunch money."

"I haven't been avoiding you! This isn't lunch money... It's money I've been saving up for my sister."

He looked at Lee's tattered clothes and realization struck him. Lee wasn't nobility. Workers at the Royal Palace got to send their children to the royal academy, and if a bender was good enough... they could be promoted to nobility. Lee's sister was their family's only chance at getting out of poverty.

"Ow!" Lee screamed as the child twisted his ear further.

"Let him go."

"Or what?" Lee screamed as the kid twisted even further.

"Hey Tokka, maybe little Zuzu here wants some for himself." They all chuckled at this.

"Yeah, maybe."

His brain was whizzing, remembering passages, words and forms. Maintain calm... Assume your stance. Months of practicing, months of sparring against dummy opponents. None of it compared. Zuko was... _excited_. He had goosebumps along his arms. _Firebending's source of power is the breath. Be calm. Maintain your conflicting energies in harmony..._

The kid named Tokka pushed Lee's face into the mud and approached Zuko arrogantly. Without warning, Tokka pushed a large fireball at him. And that's when Lee realized the difference between practice and actual fights. _Fear_. It was a raging battle between the terror that rooted him to the ground and the excitement that wanted him to just _unleash_.

But it was Zuko's first fight. And terror won out. The fire whirred at him, and Zuko closed his eyes.

Nothing came.

Opening his eyes, he stared at an older man in front of him.

"Are you alright?" Zuko mutely nodded. How embarrassing. "My name is Master Piandao. Your mother said you were training with broadswords, is this true?"

He nodded, unsure of what to say.

"Come with me."

…

Zuko was feeling mixed emotions. He really, genuinely thought he was going to do some bending there, but instead he needed to be saved. Another side of him, a more cynical one, wasn't surprised at all. It was time to resign himself to the fact that he wasn't a bender. That was that.

"Both my parents were fire-benders. Prodigies, actually. Both masters at the art. And their only son? A non-bender." Piandao began softly while patiently practicing calligraphy. "Imagine how embarrassed they were. So, they dropped me off on the steps of an orphanage."

Zuko's eyes widened. Was that what his parents were going to do?

"That is, until I became the best swordsman in all of the Fire Nation. Working my way up by beating bender after bender. Until one day, I discovered my true parents. _Now_ they wanted me back. Do you know why I'm telling you this, Zuko?"

"Because I'm not a bender..."

At this, he started laughing. "You think I'm telling you this to make you feel better? As a pity tale? I'm telling you this because you need to learn something young. Those who don't accept you for yourself are _not_ your family. I went back to my foster parents, the people who loved me from day one, and I begged for their forgiveness for even _considering_ leaving them. The reason you are unable to bend," he began slowly, "is because you have not discovered your inner fire."

Getting up, he tossed Zuko a light pair of wooden broadswords. "Fire is the element of consuming and rage. It wants to run out of control. Before you can control _fire_, you must first learn to control _yourself_. Discipline, honesty with yourself, and calm. You are confused. You've learned of Avatar Roku's true history, and Sozin's deceptions, and you're uncertain as to how to proceed."

Zuko's eyes widened. "How..."

"Before you can produce an ounce of fire, you must resolve this internal conflict. That is something only time will allow for. This is a conflict that has been going on for 100 years; naturally, it will take some meditation on your part. But in the mean time, it is time to begin your broadswords training."

In the background, he caught his mother's smile as she left the building.

He smiled. His mother gave him the best surprise birthday presents.

From that day on, Zuko decided to dedicate himself to mastering those broadswords.

In the back of his mind, the question always lingered – how does one choose between Roku and Sozin? And what did it mean to choose either side. He'd wander through the capitol city during his free time, and there was one thing he learned: he loved the people of the Fire Nation. They were incredibly loyal, strong, and smart.

If choosing Roku meant he'd have to betray his people, he didn't think he could do it...

* * *

A/N: Sorry guys and gals, going to have to wait a bit more to see Zuko bend! =) Any guesses as to how it's going to happen? R&R!


	3. Chapter 3

Three chapters in two days! Don't expect all updates to be so quick. They won't be, I promise. Hope you all enjoy it!

* * *

"Zuko!" Masashi whispered.

Zuko approached him smiling.

"My son Lee told me what you did for him at school. I wanted to say thank you." He presented Zuko with an ornate blue and white mask mask with two teeth protruding from its mouth on either side. It looked... frightening. He wasn't sure what to say, but it would be rude to deny a gift.

Smiling, he graciously accepted it. "It was no problem at all. Lee is a wonderful person, and it was awful to see him bullied in school. Thank you." It was right after he accepted that he remembered Masashi's financial... status. "Are... Are you sure this isn't – "

Masashi waved his concerns away. "Don't be silly. I just wondered if, perhaps since sneaking out can be a dangerous task, a mask would help you conceal your identity better." Masashi had a twinkle in his eyes as he spoke these words that made Zuko not trust their truthfulness entirely.

This wasn't exactly a... stealth mask. It fit him loosely, and it was _very_ distinguishable. Maybe it was just nerves. Smiling, he bowed once more and took off, mask in hand.

"Giving away old heirlooms, Masashi?" Ursa smiled, stepping into the light after her son was well out of ear's reach.

"It isn't really giving _away_ if it remains within family, right Lady Ursa?"

"One of these days he will find out. What will you do then?"

"Hope for his understanding."

…

In the weeks that followed, however, Zuko had little energy to sneak about, so the mask was kept on a shelf in the secret library. The reason for his exhaustion?

His master was crazy. Yup, there was no doubt about it. But Zuko _loved_ it. He'd work Zuko into the ground every day, wake him up at sunrise, and pound him back into the earth again. Still, he believed in balance. So while he'd practice calligraphy, Zuko would continue his readings from the library, returning home for dinner and sleep.

Perhaps it was because he couldn't bend, maybe he was just naturally talented, or maybe Piandao was a fantastic teacher. It was probably a combination of many factors. Whatever the reason, one thing was for certain. Zuko _absorbed_ his master's teachings. It was unlike anything since... well, since Piandao himself.

One day he'd teach Zuko a new form, and by the end of the week the boy would have it memorized and could use it in a real fight. It had been six months since Zuko had begun training under Piandao and his forms were now impeccable. That being said, it was hard for Zuko to improve due to lack of physical strength.

A nine (and a half, as Zuko constantly reminded him) year old boy was still a child, and in a swords fight, strength wasn't everything, but it _was_ something. And it would be foolish of him to ignore that. Zuko needed to build his physical strength, and time was the biggest factor in this case. In another four years he could easily handle most opponents. In five, most benders, even. In seven? Well, he could probably teach Piandao a thing or two about swords... But unlike bending, _physical_ strength was the key here.

So until Zuko got bigger, forms was all they could practice. Frankly, he wasn't even really strong enough to handle the broadswords his cousin had given him. He would fumble around with them, the sheer weight of each sword weighing him down. For now he'd keep the boy on the wooden swords, he decided.

…

In the mean time, his sister had become something of a bending whiz. For whatever reason, perhaps to drill the incompetence into Zuko's skull, Ozai had demanded Zuko show up to Azula's training sessions to observe "how naturally fire-bending flows from true royalty." And it was true. There were few wasted movements. She flowed from one form to the next smoothly and effortlessly.

This... Zuko closed his eyes. There was no way Zuko could compete with this. _This_ was the difference between a bending master to-be and a weapons master to-be. Try as he might, Azula would always be one step ahead. As he felt the poisonous pang of jealous for his younger sister, the envy was squashed by determination.

A part of him felt cruel for wishing so, but a large part of him wanted nothing more than to devastate Azula in a duel. She practiced ancient forms of attacks? Fine, he'd pick up swords. She was a bending prodigy? Fine, he'd learn chi blocking. If escalation was the name of the game, _I have no problems in playing_, he grimly thought to himself.

From that day on, he started taking notes during Azula's training sessions. He needed to find weaknesses to exploit. Openings where he could strike.

Lately, these... unnatural thoughts were harboring in his mind more frequently. He'd often be torn between rage on one hand and a calm, collectedness. Frankly, he didn't know which aspect terrified him more – the dangerously morbid desires he didn't know he possessed, or the calm and collected nature he'd train to carry out his haunting nightmares. And in the background, a small voice kept screaming this wasn't him.

He wasn't this insane, terrified child who wished nothing more than to kill his sister. He was the boy who felt at home in his mother's arms; the child who enjoyed taking care of turtle ducks, and the kid who hated bullies.

Feeling a new wave of frustration, he threw the book he was currently holding at the back wall of the library. That was when a single brick popped out and fell.

_Great... Now I'm breaking down the old library..._ He went over to pick it up and put it back, but it was surprisingly heavy for a brick. In fact, it didn't seem like a brick at all. It was charred black, as if with many coatings of fire. So much so that the layers of ash around it were numerous enough that it could pass for a brick. He began chipping away at the hard layers of sedimented ash with the hilt of his sword.

_Is that a... _He froze as he reached the edge of one particular rounded end. It was pearly white. _An egg!_ Hurriedly, he redoubled his efforts to take off the rest of the ash. After half an hour of careful chipping, he had a blackened egg. It was an odd shaped egg, though. Too large for a hen. No spots for a lemur-lion. Definitely not a turtle-duck.

His eyes widened with recognition. Grabbing Roku's diary, he looked through the first chapter searching for Fang.

_There!_ He paused at the picture of Fang's egg. It was a near identical match. While Fang's egg had an odd, flame-shaped red insignia, this one had a blue spiral. _A dragon egg..._ The dragons had been gone for decades now! A part of him still couldn't believe it.

Deciding that he could afford to go off of schedule, he advanced to the creatures portion of the Fire Nation section and opened up a book on dragons.

Dragon eggs can stay in a petrified dormancy for centuries... The difficulty is in causing them to hatch. Only under the hottest of fires can a dragon hatch. Blah blah useless. Not interesting. Ah. Humans and dragons. Humans have had a mixed history with dragons. They're fiercely loyal creatures. Humans must have a spirit that matches the dragon's... Dragons original benders... More useless... Wait... what? Sprit binding. Dragons are bound spiritually to their mates. In the case of human companions, they share feelings, thoughts and even life forces.

Maybe that was why it was covered in ash. It would have taken _hundreds_ of benders trying to hatch the egg... He frowned. That seemed implausible. So many benders failed? Maybe only a dragon could hatch it? He paused, leaning back against the wall. Then again, this was Roku's library. Roku's last moments were in the volcano, dying next to Fang. What if the priests had found Fang's egg? The soot and ash would have been from the volcano. That would definitely explain the amount of ash.

But there was another problem. Why wouldn't the heat from the lava cause the dragon to hatch? He couldn't think of anything hotter than a volcano.

He couldn't help but feel a little envious that he couldn't hatch the egg. Only a bender could do that...

…

"Mother, who was Ta Min? I've heard the name before, I just... I can't remember." Zuko suddenly asked. It was a question that was burning in the back of his mind for weeks.

Ursa was unsure of what to say. The quicker they reached Piandao's house the better, she decided and doubled the pace. A Master White Lotus' home was definitely safer than the streets of the Fire Nation capital. "I'll tell you when we reach there," she quietly said.

Zuko could sense the urgency in her voice. He'd never seen his mother like this. He hated seeing her like this. Deciding it was best not to push her, he left it. Whatever it was, it couldn't be so important as to push her into this state.

But the small voice that he hated popped up in the back of his mind. If it would push his mother to this state, then it _must_ be important. Right? He shook his head. It didn't matter. If it made his mother angry, then he didn't want to know. But voices, especially small ones, are very hard to eradicate once they take root.

Once they got there, Zuko realized she was still strained and worried. As she began to explain, he kissed her on the cheek and hugged her.

"I'll see you home for dinner!" He smiled, pretending he'd already forgotten his earlier question.

Ursa smiled. _You're a good boy, Zuko._ She nodded and headed home.

Inside, he resolved to find out who this lady was. "Master Piandao, thank you for seeing me today." He said customarily, bowing. "I was wondering if... if perhaps we could change the order of today. I have some questions."

Piandao smiled. "I see no harm. Ask away while we stretch and warm up," the older man said while grabbing the wooden swords.

"Who is Ta Min?"

"She was the daughter and only child of Avatar Roku," the swords master answered calmly.

Zuko was very puzzled now. Why was his mother so distressed. That seemed perfectly normal.

"How does one hatch a dragon egg?"

Piandao smiled. All over the place today, were we? Fine. "Dragon fire, it is said. It is supposedly much hotter than any bender produced fire. But of course, the dragons are extinct."

"Have any humans hatched dragon eggs?"

"It is unusual, but there are legends of those whose fire is so hot it can hatch dragon eggs, yes."

"Is there any other way to hatch one?"

Piandao thought carefully. "Well, an old legend states that a true mother of a dragon can hatch a dragon. A woman once mated with a dragon long ago, and the dragon died. After laying eggs, she warmed it with ordinary fire every day, taking care of them like a mother. And in time, the eggs hatched. They called the child – "

"Dragon born..." Zuko whispered. He'd read that in the scrolls. "This wasn't just any legend, was it." It wasn't a question.

"It is said that the dragon born was the first fire lord, learning not _from_ the dragons as the Sun Warriors did, but through being a dragon himself. The most natural fire-bender."

Zuko was so lost in thought he didn't even see his teacher get up. Suddenly, a wooden sword whacked him upside the head.

"Now, are we just going to talk all day, or is there actual practicing to be done?"

…

The best and worst day was approaching. Fast. Graduation.

A couple months had passed, and Master Piandao had declared that his graduation test was coming up. He was to present his sword and defeat his own Master in a duel. Then, regardless of the outcome, he would be placed back in the Royal Academy, following the non-bending curriculum. He couldn't sleep.

Getting up, he put on his mask, dressed in his usual black uniform and took his broadswords. He wasn't in the mood to go to the library. He'd read half the books by now, and he wasn't in the mood to absorb any more information. He needed to think.

The night air was cool, and the grass was mildly damp. Heading to the forests, he turned his legs on auto-pilot and burrowed inside his thoughts.

Was it really so bad, not being a bender? No. He'd been doing just fine. For months now he'd been watching Azula. Her forms. Everything. Not that he hadn't practiced those same forms, wishing, _dreaming_, that fire would come out of his arms or feet. But it was really not starting to matter. Perhaps going to school wasn't the end of the world. He'd learn chi blocking, or perhaps review his archery. He'd been getting rusty.

But none of that had really been bothering him. No, he'd been hiding it from himself for weeks now. It was the war. He loved the Fire Nation, really, he did. But that didn't change the facts that the war was tearing them apart. He'd seen the claims court, he'd sat in on the sessions where his mother would hear out dispute over dispute.

Dead husbands or brothers, households who couldn't meet the rising taxes, the deficits that piled up in every province. The war was unsustainable. And expensive. If it didn't end soon, he wasn't sure how much more his country could handle it.

_That's_ what he couldn't handle. Going back to school and hearing preaching after preaching about how great the war was. He'd been reading these amazing things about Roku's life and how much respect Roku had for those supposedly inferior cultures. Things were stacking up really badly for Fire Lord Azulon and his predecessors... _Zuko's_ predecessors he reminded himself.

He didn't think he could go back to school and simply take more of that.

"Stop, thief!"

He suddenly heard a scream.

"You can't do this!" He watched from the background. It was an old woman, begging three officers. Newly recruited officers, from the uniforms, Zuko gathered. They couldn't have been older than seventeen.

"Listen, wench. War Powers Authorization Act. If the military sees something essential for its victory, it's allowed to seize it. We're the guards for the capitol. The capitol goes down, we all go down. I'd say that's pretty essential."

"Please, it has all my savings!"

"And by saving the capitol, we'll be saving us all."

The man snatched her purse and the three began walking away.

Zuko snarled. Putting on his mask, he took out his broadswords and hid into the shadows.

…

"Did you hear about that Blue Spirit?"

"I heard he sticks to the shadows."

"Those three military boys said they didn't even see it coming!"

"Three? I heard it was seven."

The capital was abuzz with the news. It was the first time in memory that a group of _soldiers_ didn't get what they wanted. There was... an excitement in the voices, despite the hushed tones. Zuko smiled as he walked through the streets. He wondered how often these incidents were. Perhaps he'd found himself a new hobby.

Coming to the central marketplace, he found a single wanted poster.

WANTED

Blue Devil, Non-bender

Alive, 10 gold pieces, Dead 1 gold piece

Zuko frowned. It was probably nothing. Besides, ten gold? Seriously? He was worth at _least_ 100, he thought to himself. Shaking his head, he moved on. It was time for him to graduate.

But the whispers didn't end.

"Old Lady Taala said that he takes offerings for jobs."

"Old Lady Taala? She's crazy!"

"You say that now, but _he_ helped her."

"Fine, how does it work?"

The second voice sounded much more smug now. "_Now_ you believe me. Alright, you just go to the Sozin Temple and – "

"That's not true." Zuko butted in. "You go to the Royal Plaza fountain, and you put a note underneath the secret brick."

"Oh yeah? How would _you_ know?"

"He helped me last night." Zuko said confidently.

The two older boys' mouths dropped.

Smirking, he walked off to Piandao's house feeling proud of himself. _Who would want to go to Sozin temple anyway?_

* * *

I thought I'd give the Blue Spirit a bit of an early start, with Zuko just having some fun with it. I need his experiences as the Blu Spirit to shape his worldview on the war, Roku, Sozin, etc. R&R!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4. As usual, if you like it, let me know. If not, please help me improve my writing; I'm always looking for ways to get better. On with the show.

* * *

Things were getting out of hand. He wasn't sure he was going to make it out of this one...

Until now, the Blue Spirit was a convenient and easy way for Zuko to escape the boring tirades of being royalty while simultaneously helping his people, and it was _working_. For the first couple weeks, he'd been more than happy to encourage the rumors, directing them in the way he sought best for himself.

It was remarkable how quickly rumors could spread. A single day of just speaking to ten or twenty people was enough to let the entire city know in less than a week. Nightly missions were exciting, though not all involved fights or danger. And the best part being he got to really see and experience how his people lived.

The majority of them, even in the capital city, were ordinary people simply trying to get by. Certainly, in the inner circle they were all nobility and occupations involved with the palace. But Zuko suspected that the capital was an exception. If his hunch was right, most people didn't really care one way or another in this war.

They were farmers who wanted these ridiculous taxes to end, mothers who worried for their husbands, and sons who missed their fathers and brothers.

And the military was a ridiculous, oppressive tool. Through rumors, he'd manage to convince people to set up three drop zones for missions, scattered throughout the city. Each night, he'd visit them, sort out the requests and pick one from each. But there was also a matter of faith and keeping people believing in the Blue Spirit. After all, if your missions wasn't picked, how would you even know the Blue Spirit had been there?

So he'd mark the single mission that had been chosen with the same blue insignia that had been on the dragon egg. He'd come to like that particular design. The others would be marked in red.

And things had been going fine. The city was ablaze with talk about the Blue Spirit, and usually after dark the lower level military officers had learned to keep quiet and simply go home without bothering people. After a particularly nasty mission where the Blue Spirit had broken into a young patrol officer's home and stolen all his clothes, the military recruits learned that they were not safe simply because the crime was committed during the _day_. The Blue Spirit _would_ hunt them down.

But it was only a matter of time before the military would find out and stage an ambush. Like tonight. He'd gone to the fountain as usual. The choice had been easy – this one seemed to have all the elements. An army officer had stolen the last of a family's savings. He'd seen this particular officer before, and it didn't seem like the man had learned his lesson.

So Zuko set off with mask and swords in hand to rectify the situation.

Until he realized that the military had set up archers around the target's house with street patrols. How careless of him. He hadn't seen the growing number of wanted posters. Since the three months that Zuko had set up his little operation, the bounty grew to nearly 500 gold pieces.

Which brought him to now, currently hidden in an ally, army patrol officers rapidly closing in on his location. He tried to be calm, think of a situation around this, but none seemed to appear.

It was _well_ passed curfew; no way to take off his mask and pretend to be an innocent boy just walking around.

"Zuko."

His blood froze. Slowly, he turned around and saw the last person he expected.

_Masashi!_

"Quickly, follow me." Opening a street hole, the man went into the city sewers and Zuko quickly followed. Closing the lid behind them, he smiled. "You'll get used to the smell, eventually."

Agni, Zuko sure hoped so. It took everything just to not vomit.

"It's a remarkable thing you've been doing, Zuko. You've given the city hope." He was beaming. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. I've known for a while. Come on."

They began walking along the edge of the water where it was shallow. Boy, would his clothes reek after this. He wasn't sure how his mother wouldn't notice.

"Didn't think these places existed, huh. Few take notice of refugees or the homeless. But if you're going to continue this, you're going to need our help."

Zuko stared.

"We saw this coming from a mile away – the ambush. Listen, most of your targets are going to be people who've been profiting from the war. People who will want this war to go on as long as necessary. Those are almost exclusively noblemen. I bet you didn't even know that there were homeless people in the capital, did you?"

Zuko shook his head, embarrassed. The capital was the wealthiest city in all of the Fire Nation. Why would there be homeless people here?

"Most people don't notice. Most noblemen, that is. We almost all live in the outer ring, where the wealthy merchants avoid us like the plague. Even if we're there, they do our best to ignore us and live in their perfect world where the streets are clean and wealth is everywhere."

He tapped two bricks, the second sounding hollow.

Kicking the second with his foot, he grunted as a creaky door opened. There was a step so the water wouldn't seep in. "Come on, we won't get wet from here on out."

_Good thing I'm not wet already,_ Zuko grumbled to himself and got into the narrow tunnel.

"Sorry, I'd light a candle but they're all soaked. Anyway, if you want to keep doing this, you need sources of information that the army _doesn't have_ access to. Sources that _no_ nobleman would look to."

Zuko nodded. He now understood where Masashi was going with this.

"The Blue Spirit has helped us more than you can imagine. Hope is vital for survival. We'd be more than happy to return the favor."

Zuko wasn't sure, due to the darkness, but he swore he could almost hear Masashi smiling at him with pride.

Opening the door, they stumbled into a well-lit room. _Masashi's home_, he realized.

"Daddy it's the Blue Spirit!" A younger girl ran up to him and bowed respectfully.

Zuko, never more glad that he wore a mask, returned the bow awkwardly.

…

An eraser hit Zuko in the head, jolting him awake.

"Is my lesson so boring that you'd rather sleep, Zuko?" The teacher asked, glaring.

Zuko internally groaned. _Yes_. "No, Sensei." The night time escapades were taking a toll on him, and since graduating Piandao's schooling, he'd been forced back into the Royal Academy.

The teacher, who'd seen Zuko do _plenty_ worse, decided not to ruin her own day anymore and simply let him off.

Behind him, Mai chuckled. Zuko had the decency to smile back apologetically.

After what seemed to be an eternity, the bell finally rang. "Hey," Mai said and caught up with him. "Let's go back to my house."

"What about Azula?"

She rolled her eyes. _Boys_. "She – " she stopped, seeing the girl right behind Zuko. "is coming along with us."

"Hello, Zuzu. How's school going?"

"We go to the same school, Azula." He calmly replied, knowing full well where she was going with this.

"Well, it's just so hard to tell, you being in the non-bending section and all," she said smiling innocently.

Again. That same feeling. The feeling that he only got around Azula. That feeling of wanting to strangle the life out of her. So much anger. He didn't know where it came from, but he hated it. Hated feeling like that. Everyone hated their sibling, his friends had told him. But deep down, we all discover that we love them. That's what they said, but he wasn't so sure. As long as he could remember, he was afraid of Azula. And angry at her.

He forced a smile back. "Yes, the chi blocking lessons are going really well, actually. There were some experiments people were trying to remove someone's bending _permanently_," he lied.

She chuckled. "Zuzu, so cute. You were always an awful liar."

His knuckles turned white.

Mai didn't miss a beat. "Zuko and I are going to do our homework. I'll see you tomorrow, Azula." And she whisked him away.

"Thanks," he mumbled out.

She lifted his head so that their eyes met. "I'm your friend, too. You know that, right?"

He nodded. He hated feeling so helpless. Arriving at Mai's house, he considered how different the meal he would be having was to the meal he had last night. Masashi's one room, cozy hut compared to the mansions nobles like he and Mai lived in.

It was like they were living in two completely separate worlds. He'd heard... terrible, terrible lies at Masashi's house. He loved Masashi, and his family. They treated him well. But... the lies they said bordered on treason. He shook his head. But a tiny voice inside his head begged him to check Roku's library.

That Azulon would sacrifice an entire battalion simply to make minor tactical gains. That the war wasn't good for their nation... That Azulon was going crazy, and there were plots to overthrow him. He shook his head. It was time to focus on the tasks at hand. Simple things, like homework, he decided.

"Why are you even friends with her?"

"Same reason you are," she replied. "Do we really have a choice?"

Zuko wanted a choice. He _craved_ that choice.

And deep inside of him, a voice he hated spoke evil whispers to him. _Then make that choice and unleash me_.

…

"Think he's gone forever?"

"If he knows what's good for him. You saw what the Army did. Not even the Blue Spirit can come back."

And it was true. No one had spotted the Blue Spirit for weeks.

After the failed attempt on capturing the Blue Spirit, the military cracked down and destroyed the mission drop off zones. It was probably for the best. Zuko needed time to rebuild. His near capture was extremely humbling, and after some time for self-reflection, Zuko finally admitted to himself that he may need backup. Which meant he needed backup measures.

There was no way a single man, a single Zuko, could get all the information necessary to carry out justice. The atrocities the military committed were far too numerous. And that was when Masashi came in.

"When was the last time your father visited the outer ring?" They calmly walked through the sewers one day.

"Never."

"Exactly. Nobility doesn't go outside the Royal prefectures. Most wish to believe the homeless don't exist. Even when our people are right next to the wealthy, they prefer to ignore the paupers. You wouldn't believe the kinds of information the homeless hear, simply sitting on a street corner."

But Zuko had to gain their trust and build their repertoire. So, every Friday, he'd take his allowance and set up a soup kitchen in Masashi's home. He met more people (as the Blue Spirit) than he could remember, and Masashi spoke for him the entire time. Honestly, Zuko wouldn't even know what to say. He didn't know anything about them. Their lifestyles. Their social location.

Certainly, Zuko was learning – faster than he'd ever learned at Roku's library, but had he spoken more than two sentences, they would have seen through his guise. His posture, the way he carried himself, his grammar, even his accent. He _reeked_ of nobility. So, hiding behind his mask, Zuko would continue to build his credibility as the Blue Spirit until he had an entire network of homeless paupers feeding him intel.

"Why are you helping me, anyway?" Zuko finally asked one day. "I mean, I'm so grateful. There's no way I can do this without your help, but... why help me? Why aren't you in a mask yourself? Surely you can do more?"

Masashi had a twinkle in his eye, as if he'd been expecting this question for some time. "Zuko, both of us want to help the people of the fire nation. You see the short term problems, here. I see a long term solution. You have access to resources I could never even dream of."

"So..." Zuko began slowly, trying to understand the man's words. "You want something in return?"

Masashi smiled. "Yes. Only for you to promise me you will never give up or lose sight of who you are. You are the last hope we have, and that is worth fighting for."

"Why?"

But before he could say anything, the most unexpected person showed up. "Lady Ursa," Masashi bowed.

"Zuko." His mother's voice was unlike anything he'd ever heard before. He wordlessly walked to his mother's side. "Wait outside." It was barely above a whisper, and yet it had the concerted force of a raging storm. And then he remembered what his mother had told him about turtle-ducks. And how mothers _always_ protect their young.

Did she think Masashi was hurting him? "But he wasn't – "

"_Zuko._" This time it was barely audible. "Now." And Zuko didn't dare disobey.

Going outside, he heard his mother lock it. Pressing his ear to the door, he tried to make out anything that was happening, but the bits and pieces made no sense.

"Were you going to tell him?" That was his mother's voice, losing control and screaming now.

A muffled response.

"THIS is not your place. Or your job. He's MY son!"

More inaudible mumbling.

His mother's voice now dropped down low now. "... ever again... burned." The door suddenly opened, and Zuko tried to pretend he hadn't been eavesdropping.

…

Dragged home, his mother tucked him into bed and didn't bother to kiss him goodnight. He'd never seen her that mad, so when she tucked him in, he made damn sure not to get up. Not even more. After the door closed, he thought about all that had happened. The fact that his mother clearly _knew_ Masashi – knew him _well_. And what did Masashi mean?

When the door opened again, he pretended to be asleep. But it wasn't his mother's voice that he heard.

"Zuko," Azula waltzed in happily. "Where do you go off to, late at night?"

Crap. How could he have been so careless?

* * *

So this chapter was difficult to write because I kept wanting to go back and start spoiling the surprises (dragon egg, his bending, who the hell is Masashi, and more!) but I really, really needed to focus on Zuko's evolution as the Blue Spirit and to make him understand what it means to be true to the Fire Nation.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry I haven't uploaded in a bit - I was taking summer classes, and life has been really busy. Really awesome, but really busy. I know this chapter is a bit shorter than the others, but it really does stand alone both thematically and plot wise. Anyways, finals JUST finished, so hopefully the chapters should roll out a bit more smoothly... until I start school again in another 10 days haha. Some break, eh?

* * *

"Still dating Mai?"

Oh. Yeah. Last time, it had been a dangerously close call with Azula, and he shoddily made up going to Mai's house late at night as an excuse. "Yeah," he dumbly responded.

"It's funny – I actually asked her about it, and she denied it entirely."

"We've been trying to keep it a secret. She probably didn't know I told you." He replied quietly.

"Why do you go with broadswords?" She pressed further.

"The roads are dangerous for non-benders." He calmly replied. Play to her arrogance. Play to her pride.

She chuckled at this. "Yes, I suppose I wouldn't know anything about that. Have fun holding hands, or whatever it is you do." She dismissed him, losing interest.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he put on his mask and left once more.

They were all taught as children that if you were genuinely nice, and in your heart of hearts you were sincere enough, you could be friends with anyone. That everyone could, conceivably, "get along". Azula was the first definitive proof that some things were completely out of one's control. Some people didn't want to get along, and no matter what you did, they simply didn't care. In the end, he could either carry on and be himself, or become yet another one of her zombies, pining for affection indefinitely.

He supposed he had her to thank for teaching him to never lose himself.

…

"Channel your anger, Azula." Her father calmly stated. "Again."

Fire-bending's source was anger and rage. A tremendous passion from within that flowed outward producing immense destruction. That was what the schools taught. That was what he had learned for _years_. And yet, Roku disagreed. He said that fire-bending was energy and in fact _life_.

That was the greatest irony. Zuko was angry – the angriest one in his entire family. He'd seethe outwardly for hours and constantly rage himself into a discipline. Looking at his sister's face, he saw nothing. A calmness that overcame her. It didn't seem angry at all.

Zuko found it difficult to disagree with the results. Azula was channeling her anger; while he'd spend it all outwardly, she was putting it into every blast she made. And she was enjoying it. Azula's flames were some of the hottest he'd seen – they were bright, unmistakably crimson. It was incredible.

He wondered if she liked being angry constantly. He missed the days their family was happy. Before bending and the expectations that came with it. Back when they would go to Ember Island and relax on the beach, with his father making jokes and smiling. Back when Zuko was just a child, rather than a labeled non-bender.

It was rapidly nearing his tenth birthday, and his father was still pretending like nothing had changed. So, everyday Zuko would watch his sister train while his father would praise her endlessly.

After what seemed like an agonizing eternity, the training session was finally over. As Zuko headed back home, he found his mother. He couldn't look her in the eye. But before he could apologize, she grabbed his hand and began leading him away.

Entering Roku's library, she closed the secret door and locked it.

They hadn't spoken about the night his mother caught him in Masashi's home. He braced himself for a lecture on being responsible. Perhaps on behaving like a nobleman. He didn't know. But of all the things racing through his mind, there was no way Zuko could have guessed what she was about to say.

"It's time you knew. Lady Ta Min was my grandmother. You are Roku's great-grandchild." If Ursa saw the shock on her son's face, she chose to ignore it. "The reason you cannot bend is the conflicted nature of your existence. On one hand, you are Sozin's direct descendant. Sozin, the one who started the war and believed the Fire Nation to be the greatest of all cultures. On the other hand, you are Roku's great-grandchild as well. Avatar Roku, who hated the idea of the war from the beginning, and who believed in a balance where all cultures were unique and amazing, deserving of respect."

"But Roku never wanted this! Even Sozin had regret towards the end of his life. We could go to grandfather. Surely as the Fire Lord, Grandpa Azulon would change his mind! We'll show him the evidence and – "

"You are compassionate, and you always strive to do the right thing. Even now, you're my naïve, sweet little boy. But you must _never_ tell anyone about what I have told you. The capital city is dangerous, more so than you can realize." She smiled sadly, weaving her fingers through his hair motherly. "My poor baby... Zuko, you must realize that there are those who will consider what I have told you to be treason." Her voice became somber. "You are still a ten year old boy, and as long as continue to be my son, I won't allow you to go renegading at night in some ridiculous mask."

She knew?

"But Mom, Masashi is right! I'm someone that can change things. I can help our people." Ursa visibly stiffened at his mentioning of the older man.

"Zuko, _think_!" She was practically begging him. "You stopped a couple of army thugs from robbing innocent people. So what? There will be more."

"I'll stop them, too!"

"And then what? There are thousands of recruits every year. You think these kinds of things only happen in the capital? What about in the colonies, what about throughout the rest of the country? You're not going to change things by being some silly street vigilante."

She was right. Absolutely right. Everything he'd done was nothing but a nuisance in the eyes of the military. A little fly they'd wipe out of their face, but nothing more. To make lasting change, he'd have to change the _system_. How he'd do that was beyond him. But that _didn't_ mean what he'd been doing was pointless or meaningless. There _had_ been progress. Yes, there'd be more recruits. More abusers. But something was changing in the people of the city.

"I've given them _hope_. I've seen it in their faces. They're happier than they've ever been for the first time in a long time. And it's not enough, but it's something."

"You're one _boy_... you're _my_ boy. This isn't your calling."

"I'm Roku's great-grandson – if not me, then who?"

She shook her head. "The reason I told you that wasn't so you'd take up this... this nonsense. It was to make you realize what a dangerous position you are in. There are powerful people who know this, Zuko. If you were _ever_ caught, they wouldn't see a child. They would try you as a full-fledged traitor. Please, I can't lose you."

He hated doing this to her. His mother was one of the strongest people he knew, and seeing her on the verge of tears... It wasn't something he could handle. But at the same time, wiping away everything and pretending the Blue Spirit didn't exist... That was a part of him. And his night time escapades made him feel alive like never before.

"Promise me you'll stop it." She said, as if reading his thoughts.

He mutely nodded.

Smile returning to her face, she kissed him on the cheek. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

It wasn't until she left that he noticed he'd been digging his nails into his palm. Wiping off the traces of blood on an old book, he decided to stay in the library the rest of the day.

…

School that day seemed drag on like never before. More lies regarding the war, more lies regarding bending. It took everything he had to not scream out. But then the sensei transitioned to a newer topic. Current events.

"Many of you have heard of a Blue vigilante recently who has been disrupting military operations. This _coward_ who acts in the darkness of night, without honor. Make no mistake. This street punk is a criminal, and he will be weeded out. Does anyone know what he's done so far?"

Ken raised his hand. "I heard he murders people to take their money."

"How would you know?" Zuko lost it.

Ken smirked. "My father was robbed by him." Ken mistook the surprise on Zuko's face for proof that he'd won the argument. But Zuko's mind was racing ahead. How could he have been so stupid? He didn't even bother checking the people who he'd stopped. He didn't even keep _track_. Perhaps his mother was right... He was a just a boy, and this was far bigger than any one person.

Suddenly, he felt a soft, tender hand give him a squeeze. "Relax," a familiar voice whispered. Turning around, he saw Mai smiling at him (er... as close to smiling as she got, anyway).

"Thanks," he mumbled back and sank down into his seat.

School finally ended, and Zuko went back to Mai's house as was usual.

"Why did you get so upset?"

"Ken was lying. The Blue Spirit hasn't killed anyone. Ever. And his father was robbing a poor old lady."

"Ken's always lying. His father is a former convict – spent seven years in prison. You know that. So why the shock and agitation?"

He was quiet for a long time. Could he trust her? He wasn't sure. But considering the lie he had told Azula, perhaps it was better to gain her trust now rather than risk things later.

"My friend is the Blue Spirit. And he's a good person."

If Mai was surprised, she didn't show it. "You're an idiot." Zuko was taken aback. "If you're going to parade around in a blue mask, you should at least maintain your cover during the day." They had reacher her house. "And as your_ girlfriend_, I have the right to know."

He stood outside her door, stupefied with a giant O on his lips. Azula told her, and she put two and two together.

Popping her head out, she added, "Well, are you going to come in or just sit around like a buffoon?"

…

So, he spent that night telling her everything. Roku's secret library, everything he had learned about other cultures, and how his opinions had changed. It had been a long time since he could talk to someone about his views. Sure, his mother knew, but she refused to acknowledge anything. Masashi had his own family to care about. And Mai was a fantastic listener. For the first time, he had the opportunity to simply think out loud with her. "Oh, and I'm Roku's great-grandson," he hastily added. "So, that's basically everything."

She was quiet for some time, perhaps choosing the right words. "You're an idiot, you know that?"

Zuko winced. Okay, maybe not exactly the right words.

"Zuko, you can't just parade around town doing whatever it is without consequences! Have you considered what will happen in the event of retaliation?"

"But they don't know who I am, Mai. That's the whole point of the mask."

Ugh. Men. "Yes, but they know your goals. Your help has been exclusively centered in the outer rings. If they really wanted to get you, they'd just make everyone who lives there pay. Taxes, extra fines, housing raids... Even murders if they were really serious. Face it, Zuko, the only reason you've been succeeding with this little game is because you haven't had enough of an effect. You need to act more responsibly!"

Zuko sighed. "Yeah, well, I already promised my mom I'm not doing this anymore, so we can all just bow down to the assholes who seem to run our lives," he responded bitterly.

Mai realized her words didn't quite have the effect she intended. She'd meant for him to realize he had people who cared for his life, and that his reckless behavior had repercussions beyond just himself. She'd meant for him to understand that, beyond all, his life _meant_ something to... her. But Zuko was being denser than dragon scale, so she settled for something even he would understand.

One soft, mind-bending kiss on the lips later, Zuko remained quiet. Content, and quiet.

She flicked her hair out of her eyes and glared at him cheekishly, as if to say, '_Do you understand _now_?_'

* * *

It wasn't meant as a passionate, lustful kiss. They're kids. It's just a sweet, innocent little peck for some Maiko fans. As for the final pairing, in all honesty I haven't decided but I'm leaning Zutara.


End file.
